Rusty Pails #31 The Invitation

by Rocky Macy

The Ladies of the Sprung Hinge Sewing Circle and Bucket Brigade have done it again! Just when I think I’ve fought the final battle in defense of my bachelorhood, some “Desperate Dora” rides out from the ranch and tries to rope old Rusty into the tight, unrelenting, bonds of matrimony.

I was at a four-family yard sale a few days back checking out the pre-owned overalls. After picking out a pair that was in better repair than myself, I turned to pay for my purchase and came nose-to-nose with Hazel Harness. Hazel, a matronly type who always smells suspiciously of hot, home-baked bread, seized the initiative and my wrist in one swift motion.

“Rusty,” she gushed, “you’ve saved me a stamp.”

I stepped back quickly, but she managed to get an envelope in my hand with the skill and speed of a veteran process server.

“You’ll speak to our group next week, wont you?” A response was futile because Hazel was on the march. “Of course you will. Any topic, Rusty. Just anything!”

I tried to stammer out polite regrets, but my speech sailed into a sandstorm of dizzying chatter borne on bakery breezes.

“And after your fine talk, you’ll be our guest for an afternoon dessert. Most of us cook as well as we sew. You’ll be surprised!”

Nothing surprises me – especially in Sprung Hinge. I thanked Miss Hazel for the invitation and promised to do my best.

I think my “best” will be getting laryngitis and asking Judge Rufus T. Redbone to pinch-hit for me. (All politicians ought to be good for something – and besides, the Judge loves to hear himself talk!) The Sprung Hinge Sewing Circle and Bucket Brigade will get the surprise, and old Rusty will be free to roam the range and do the sales!

Auction Tip: I’ve known people who carry a general merchandise catalogue to sales to use as a price reference. Paying more for something used that it costs new can take the shine off of your apple!