by Pa Rock
Aging Citizen Journalist
Do you know about Med Beds? Most of us have heard rumors regarding the top secret medical devices that our government is keeping from us until all of the wealthy and powerful people have a chance to get theirs first, but the actual specifics are still very hush-hush. US Secretary of Health an Human Services, Robert F. Kennedy, Jr, gets most of his duck soup and quackers from QAnon, so he probably knows, too, but for once Kennedy is keeping his trap shut. He'll get his Med Bed before we get ours, you can bet the family sailboat on that.
"Med Beds" are so new that the myriad of internet dictionaries spell the term in a myriad of ways: One word or two, hyphenated or not, proper name (capitalized) or not. I have chosen to go with two words, both capitalized, because it looks more important that way.
According to internet rumors, which is where most of the country gets most of its news, Med Beds are like regular hospital beds, though obviously with more wires, bells, and whistles. They probably also require sheets made with fine Egyptian cotton or genuine Japanese silk. The only exercise for the patient appears to be that of climbing into the bed and switching off the bedside reaing lamp - and then it's nighty-night as the body heals itself of all injuries and ailments during a comfortable sleep. But the miracles don't stop there. Med Beds can also quickly regenerate missing limbs, and they REVERSE the aging process!
And those are just the first-round, basic models. As we all know, technology quickly improves itself, so soon they will undoubtedly be performing face and butt lifts, boob jobs, and penis enhancements.
"Miraculous" is just too tame a word for this brave new world that we are on the verge of entering! Med Beds are such a big deal that the President of the United States recently shared an AI-generated video about the magical devices on his social media, and if Donald Trump promotes them you know they have to be legit.
The world's elite are reportedly getting theirs now, and very soon we should see reports of a very young King Charles and his daughter-in-law, Princess Whoozit, being cancer free, and the President of the United States walking from green-to-green as he constantly plays golf. XRays of RFK, Jr's thick skull will show that the remaining piece of his brain worm has healed itself, left his brain (perhaps through an ear or a nostril), and probably found its way back to Rock Creek. The miracles will just keep coming, and someday, when all our betters are cured and rejuvenated, they will let the rest of us mere mortals have our turns, of course they will, bless their hearts.
No, Med Beds aren't available at Walmart or Target just yet, but they're coming. They're coming! Until then there are several places where smart shoppers can pay a fee and get their name of a waiting list. What a deal! (And if getting on a list for a Med Bed doesn't completely drain your bank account, shoppers can also pay a fee and get a star named after themselves - along with their names published in an actual book!
As a special service to my readers, you may send me a thou and I will put your name on a list and publish it in a special book: "Pa Rock's Directory of Dumb-Asses." For an extra thou your name will be highlighted in gold leaf.
Supplies are limited, time is running out, so order yours today!
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