Elon Parties on Down

by Pa Rock

Citizen Journalist

A few days ago, billionaire pest Elon Musk floated the idea of starting his own political party, not in his native country of South Africa, nor his adopted country of Canada, but in his most recently adopted country of the United States of America.  That's right, the world's richest human , a man who literally purchased the latest round of the US presidency for Donald Trump at a cost of more than a whopping quarter-of-a-billion dollars, has developed a taste, or perhaps a "hunger," for American politics, and he now wants to buy another big helping of our democracy to feed his insatiable gluttony. 

Yesterday Elon said that he has formed the "America Party," though what he has filed and with whom is unclear.  Musk has announced an intent to primary Republican members of Congress who  voted for Trump's "One Big Beautiful Bill" because the bill will balloon our national debt and because it apparently did not do as much to make the lives of America's poor as miserable as Musk would have liked.  Only two Republican members of the House had the cajones to vote against the Trump bill, Thomas Massie of Kentucky and Brian Fitzpatrick of Pennsylvania.  Three GOP US Senators cast "no" votes on the bill:  Rand Paul of Kentucky, Thom Tillis of North Carolina, and Susan Collins of Maine.   Before casting his vote, Senator Tillis announced that he would retire at the end of his current term.  The other four will presumably try to hold onto their seats when their current terms end.

So that leaves a helluva lot of Republicans for Elon to primary.  As pricey as American elections have become, even Elon Musk might balk at putting out that much money.

The thought now is that he may single out the most vulnerable Republicans and primary them with America Party candidates who are loyal to him - and try to elect enough to be the deciding factors in close votes in the House and Senate.

Trump quickly responded to Elon's party formation announcement by saying his former DOGE Master has "gone off the rails," and many Tesla shareholders showed their lack of support to the company's CEO (Musk) by dumping their stock.  (Perhaps Elon should have named his political newborn "the Petulant Party" or "Elon's Pity Party.")

The patriarch of the political effort, Elon Musk, reports reports that his new party is pro-gun and pro-bitcoin.  (It sounds as though there may be no carefully crafted party platform or manifesto as of yet, just a jumble of whatever crosses Elon's childlike mind, much like the Republican Party under Trump.)

But the pro-gun stance aside, Pa Rock supports the creation of more minor league Republican parties - and may they have many glorious and bitter primary elections that will fracture their support among the idiocracy for generations to come.

I'm thinking about starting my own political party, but so far all that I have basically come up with is a name:  "The River Party."  (Of course, at this point that's all Elon really has for his party - just a name.)  I am thinking that the River Party will have a strong environmental focus and initially be funded through "beer busts" along America's riverbanks, followed by collecting and selling the empty cans to aluminum recyclers.  Party dues would also involve beer.

The River Party would show the America Party how to party on down, you betcha it would!

(Platform proposals for the River Party are currently being accepted c/o Pa Rock's Ramble!)