Friday, June 1, 2018

Governor Scumbag Leaves Office Today

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

Eric Greitens, the scandal-plagued Republican governor of Missouri, has thrown in the towel and tendered his resignation from the state's highest office effective at 5:00 p.m. today.

Greitens, who once harbored presidential ambitions, ran for governor in 2016 solely on the "qualifications" of being a former Navy Seal and a good family man.  Once in office he assumed the mantle of a reformer and went about annoying many of the state's Republican legislators - a group generally more concerned with meeting the needs of lobbyists than they are in serving the people who elected them.  When the governor's political fortunes began heading south earlier this year, state politicians from both parties were eager to pile on.

The wheels started coming off of the Greiten's steam roller in January when it was revealed in the press that he had been involved in an extra-marital affair with his hairdresser two years earlier, and that during the affair he had blindfolded her and then duct-taped her, either nude or semi-nude, to a piece of exercise equipment in his basement gym.  He took a photo of the bound woman and threatened to make it public if she ever told anyone about their affair.

The randy politician was facing legal charges regarding that incident, as well as charges that he had illegally used a donor list for a charity to solicit funds for his campaign.  The Missouri Legislature, some of whose members were still angry that the governor had tried to reform them, was in special session discussing his possible impeachment at the time Greitens announced that he would resign.

Greifens will be replaced in office by the state's current Republican lieutenant governor, Mike Parson, a farmer from rural Polk County and a former county sheriff.   No one seems to be expecting any pesky reform  movement from the Parson administration - and the army of lobbyists who run Jefferson City are no doubt breathing a big sigh of relief.

Things should be back to normal in the Show Me state in no time at all.

Eric, you managed to leave our state in worse shape than you found it.  Good riddance to you, sir.

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