Throw Mama in a Hole

 

by Pa Rock

Citizen Journalist

Donald Trump's first immigrant wife, Ivana, died unexpectedly at her home in Manhattan on July 14th, apparently due to "blunt force trauma" as the result of a fall on a staircase.  Ivana, age 73, was a businesswoman, socialite, and the mother of  Trump's three oldest children:  Ivanka, Donald Junior, and Eric.

The actual circumstances regarding her fall have not been disclosed, and it was quickly announced the cause was accidental.

An "invitation only" funeral service was held at St. Vincent Ferrer Catholic Church in Manhattan the following week, and later that afternoon Ivana Trump, ensconced in a golden casket, was laid to rest in a private cemetery on her husband's exclusive golf course in Bedminster, New Jersey.

Five years ago Donald Trump acquired planning permission for a 300-plot cemetery on his New Jersey golf course, and his former wife, Ivana, became the first person to actually be interred there.  Photos of her gravesite, a lonely looking patch of dirt with a flat brass marker, have been making the rounds on the internet.

Ivana Trump is buried near the first hole in a location that is not readily visible to those playing a round of golf.  One news report suggested that all of the graves will be marked with flat brass markers so as not to be noticeable from the fairways.  

Journalists researching the tax advantages of Donald Trump setting up a cemetery on his golf course note that it will save Trump a considerable amount in property, income, and sales taxes.  Additionally, a cemetery business should also be a profitable sideline.  Those 300 plots are expected to sell for up to $300,000 each, and purchasers will have to be members in good standing of the Trump's golf club.  The "initiation" fee for membership at Bedminster is $350,000, with annual memberships then running between $14,000 and $25,000.   (All of that and no property, income, or sales tax on the cemetery business.)

Trump had in the past claimed an agricultural tax exemption on the same parcel of land because it was used to grow vegetation used in the production of mulch, and, at one time, even was used to maintain a small herd of goats.

The goats are gone now - and the only thing planted in the new graveyard at Bedminster so far is Trump's glamorous ex-wife.   It's a lonely spot, almost desolate, but with her ex-husband's zeal for making money, Ivana may soon find herself lying elbow-to-elbow with all sorts of interesting dead white people.

Another Trump racket is off and running!

Fore!