Chuck Norris: Goober with a Gun

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist


The fascists are organizing for the November elections, a fact that normally wouldn't land in my mailbox.  But, as my Dad's executor, I have been receiving his mail since he passed away last December.  Needless to say, Dad's correspondents and mine seem to be from two entirely different planets, particularly those appealing for money or votes - or both.

Today Dad got a rather expensive looking pamphlet from The NRA Freedom Action Foundation,  a title that just oozes patriotism.    And being from the NRA, America's premier gun lobby, why, what good, red-blooded American wouldn't want to lubricate his (or her) hand and start jerking off a .357 Magnum?  To make this shiny piece of crap from the gun lobby even more appealing to America's frail aged (and it's beer-bellied Neanderthals), it features two big photos of Chuck Norris, "Black Belt Patriot," who is apparently the honorary chairman of the NRA's "Trigger the Vote" campaign.

The pamphlet is actually an appeal to register to vote.  Old Chuckles (and he truly is old) urges his geriatric brothers and sisters onward with these red-white-and-blue words:  "I will never surrender, and neither should you.  Get tough - register to vote!"  Included in the mailing is a voter registration form for the state of Arizona.

So the NRA has money to send voter registration materials to people in every state in the union?  Do they have cars and drivers to get these folks to the polls as well?  They scary answer is "possibly."  As much as the NRA would like for us to believe that they are citizen-funded, financed by the little guy, the behemoth political organization is, in truth, basically funded by gun manufactures, arms merchants, and war profiteers - people who make their money off of violence.

Sadly, if it weren't for the enormous political clout that the NRA buys with its blood-soaked money, guns would not be nearly as "necessary" as lame-ass old Chuck lets on.

While my Dad owned a few guns, he wasn't stupid.  I remember talking to him after Missouri citizens voted down a bill to allow people to carry concealed weapons.  To my surprise and delight, he had voted against it also.  His response to that bill: "That's just stupid!"  And it was.  Unfortunately for Missouri, the state legislature eventually "corrected" the public's error and passed a bill without the peoples' approval.

So, Mr. Black Belt Patriot, thanks for thinking of my Dad, but know this:  if Dad was around to vote, I'm doubting that his ballot would benefit the jerkwads you represent.  He was a lot smarter than that!