Scroungy Bastard's Big Adventure

by Pa Rock
Cat Enabler

My kitty, Scroungy Bastard, outdid himself on Tuesday night. Sometime during the evening he disappeared. I didn't get too excited, because he is an adult and has the freedom to come and go as he pleases - through the doggy door. One of his alley cat friends shows up out in the rock patch that I call a yard most evenings, and they roam the trailer park trashing lady cats and looking for mischief to make.

But the next morning - yesterday - he was still gone. That had my attention because he is usually underfoot begging for breakfast as I hurry to get ready for work. But not yesterday. I came home at noon to take care of some business, and noticed that he still had not reappeared. Was his absence due to stupidity - or promiscuity? Who knows with cats?

By last night I was getting worried. At some point during the evening I remembered Scroungy's penchant for rushing into a closet any time the door was opened, regardless of how briefly. Indeed, on several occasions I had intentionally shut him into a closet for a few minutes to try to teach him a lesson. As I searched all of the closets in the three bedrooms, my kitty did not appear.

But I overlooked one closet. At about 9:00 p.m. I walked into the bathroom where I heard a very meek and mild "meow." When I opened the linen closet door, Scroungy Bastard calmly stepped out. He had been in there twenty-four hours! I stuck my head into the closet and took a good, long sniff. Amazingly, he had spent that entire time without relieving himself. My first thought was that he would hit the doggy door in breakneck speed, but, no, he wanted his supper! Then he went outside for a nature call.

I was telling that story at work today, when a young, female Airman one-upped me with a story about her cat, Honey. Her cat, too, likes to explore whenever a door is opened. The Airman went into her kitchen one evening because she could hear Honey giving a long, mournful cry. First, she opened all of the cabinets, some of Honey's favorite hiding places - but no cat came forward, and the sad cry continued. She finally located her kitty sitting frigidly in the refrigerator! The poor cat had been in there since the last time the Airman had opened her refrigerator: four-and-a-half hours earlier!

Who said cats are smart?