Stump Rules!

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

I have a complicated history with dogs. I’m not a fan of Pitt Bulls and breeds known for their unrestrained ferocity, particularly when it is directed toward small children and other human beings. I have a policy when I am in residence at Rock’s Roost of allowing domesticated bunnies to run free inside of my large fenced hillside, so I necessarily can’t tolerate Beagles either because they go absolutely insane when a rabbit hops by. And if you believe in the peaceful nature of dachshunds, never step between a wiener dog and a chicken. Your illusions will be broken almost as swiftly as the poor chicken’s neck.

Little yappy dogs, like little yappy kids, tend to annoy me – but I love Chihuahuas and my grandchildren. I also love Great Pyrenees and have written about those gentle giants in this space before. They were bred to herd and watch over sheep and goats, and their deep, cavernous howls will scare the hell out of any invader, two-or-four-legged. Great Pyrenees patrol all night and generally sleep all day. They also generate enough slobber to float a boat!

I don’t have room for a dog in my current apartment life, but I have convinced myself that I could shuffle enough stuff around to accommodate the needs of a Chihuahua. Last week I spoke with one of the ladies who work in the office at Palm Valley Luxury Rentals. I told the lady (who is actually very nice) that I was thinking about adopting a Chihuahua and asked her how it would affect my rent. She told me, nicely, that I would have to pay a fee of $300 plus $25 per month. Then she went on to talk about what a great idea it was, and how I needed a “little buddy” to share my life. Yeah, right. At those prices, why not get a couple!

With that background in mind, I settled down at 9:00 p.m. on Monday to watch the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. One of the stars of the show was Uno, last year’s best-in-show. Uno, like Miss America, had spent a large portion of his reign visiting wounded veterans, children at cancer hospitals, and doing charity appearances. He served his country and his species proudly, even if he is a Beagle.

The crown passed to a new best-in-show last night, a sexy senior citizen by the name of Stump. The 10-year-old Sussex Spaniel (that’s seventy in dog years) is the oldest champion in Westminster’s one-hundred-and-thirty-three-year history. Stump won a group title at Westminster in 2004, and then nearly succumbed to a mysterious disease. He has been a happy retiree since that time, but five days before this year’s competition, his human made a decision to enter him at Westminster one final time just so he could relive his glory days. Stump was too big to fit under the airplane seat, so he had to suffer the indignity of flying to New York as freight. His human said that the new champ will fly home first-class!

So society, be careful how you treat your seniors. That old fart gripping the steering wheel with both hands and slowing down two lanes of traffic, may just be waiting for you to make his day! Flip him off at your own peril!