by Pa Rock
Old Codger
I will be heading to Springfield, Missouri, later today in preparation for cataract surgery in the morning. The left eye will be first, and in two weeks the doctor will fix the right eye. My vision has been getting steadily worse over the past year, and during my recent eye exam the doctor told me that it was time for this procedure. I will be staying in a local motel during the two-day ordeal of the surgery and the follow-up visit, and good friend Ranger Bob has agreed to act as my driver on the day of the surgery - a clinic requirement - they don't want me leaving after the surgery and then playing bumper cars on Glenstone Avenue!
It will be nice seeing Ranger Bob and Sandy again. Our last visit was in April of last year when they came to West Plains to observe the solar eclipse.
When I learned a little over a week ago that I was about to undergo cataract surgery, I was somewhat anxious. Having someone operate on your eyeball sounds very concerning. But since then I have talked to several people - all younger than me - who have already had it done and are very pleased with the results. I did hear one cautionary tale, however. A friend of my son's said that her mother went through the procedure, just on one eye, and now that eye glows in the dark "like a cat's."
So I have that possibility to look forward to, as well. Look for me in a darkened movie theatre near you!
I received a very colorful postcard in the mail a few days ago bearing an invitation to attend a "Luau" at a local retirement home. It suggested that I wear my favorite island attire "and escape to an island-inspired evening filled with tropical flavors, lively games, and great company." And it is all free!
I've been to a couple of great luaus in my time. Both were in Hawaii. Take me there, or to Bora Bora, and we'll talk, but short of that, no thanks. I think I would rather accept my latest invitation to "enjoy" a free meal at the local steakhouse while listening to a hungry salesman who is working for a commission deliver s spiel on the miracle of double-paned windows or seamless guttering. There is also another guy who keeps inviting me for a free meal so I can hear his presentation on hearing aids.
(A very old joke tells us that if you wear condoms on your ears, hearing aids will never be an issue!)
Old people seem to attract hucksters - like cows draw flies.
I recognize that I am in the sunset of my life and may one day have to submit to being warehoused so as not to be a burden to my loved ones, but that will not happen as long as I have the ability to bite, kick, and cuss my way into a jail cell instead.
So keep your barbecued shrimp and pineapple puree, or whatever fun-fare you have planned for your exotic Luau, Shady Pines. It all sounds lovely, but I'm sure somebody else will come along who really needs to be warehoused. You wouldn't like me anyway, because I would let you know 24/7 that I didn't want to be there - and I don't play well with others!
To paraphrase the late philosopher, Groucho Marx, "I would not want to reside in any retirement home that would have me as a resident."
Aloha!
1 comment:
By way of reassurance, Joyce and I, along with aunt Ruthie (then 99 years old) all had double cataract surgery, sequentially, in Fayetteville, several years ago. Dr Sarah Covey performed all three. Joyce went first, then me, and then Ruthie. I think Ruth wanted to make damn sure we survived before agreeing to the procedure. All went off without a hitch. Everyone’s vision improved. We all continued to wear glasses, whether we needed them or not. The periodic eyedrops were easy to apply and recovery was brief. About one year later we returned for an in-house procedure that removed a bit of cloudiness that is common often surgery. No problems to date. Wishing you well!
Post a Comment