Use Stockholders for Lab Testing!

 

by Pa Rock

Howler Primate

Forty-three of our primate cousins escaped custody from a research facility in South Carolina earlier this week when a keeper (an inattentive primate) left their pen unlocked.  The small rhesus macaque monkeys, all females,  weigh about seven pounds each (the approximate weight of a newborn human primate) and were all bred in captivity for medical research and testing.  There were fifty in the pen when the adult human primate screwed up, and seven were still there when the breakout was discovered.

The great escape was from a company called Alpha Genesis which specializes in breeding monkeys for  medical research.  It occurred in southern South Carolina in an area that is commonly referred to as "the Lowlands."  People living in the area are being advised to keep their doors and windows locked and to not allow the little monkeys into their homes.

(Pa Rock is advising the monkeys who are currently on the lam to not get into any pickup trucks driven by smelly human primates named Bubba or who go by two first names, especially if the truck is flying any type of flag.)

Nineteen monkeys escaped from the same facility in 2016, and two years later, in 2018, 26 more also ran to temporary freedom from the Alpha Genesis breeding and testing facility.  That leads one to ponder which group of primates at the facility is smarter, the guards or the inmates?

Latest reports indicate that a group of the escapees have been spotted in the woods near where they had been imprisoned, and employees at the facility are trying to lure them back into confinement with food. The monkeys are reportedly very fond of apples.

A primate who represents part of South Carolina in the US House of Representatives has vowed to keep her constituents up-to-date on the situation with the escapees.  Pa Rock's Ramble is also carefully monitoring the monkeys' brave attempt for freedom.

(Corporations that manufacture items which require lab testing with animals should consider using stockholders - and leave monkeys - and other innocent creatures - the hell alone!)