Taser Tag, Anyone?

The other night as I was channel surfing, I came across a clip of a guy selling personal tasers. “Whoa!” I thought. “Saturday Night Live. I’ll watch that!” Of course, the joke was on me (as it often is), because it was a real advertisement. For less than $400, the average homeowner, or criminal, can add a taser to their personal arsenal.

I should be shocked; we all should be shocked. This is us at the beginning of the 21st century - America on steroids! We have to be bigger, tougher, and meaner than any other nation on earth, and our citizens need to be soulless killing machines willing to take the life of every jihadist, atheist, environmentalist, hippie, or other miscreant who tries to get between us and our God-given, constitutionally-guaranteed, right to bear enough arms to equip a moderately sized army. Shocking, but true.

Guns and tasers may not be enough to keep us completely safe, but it looks like they will have to do until the arms merchants roll out tactical nukes for public consumption. Then we'll be safe, by golly!

I don’t own any guns because I don’t want people breaking into my apartment to steal them. Nor do I have any plans to order a personal taser, but should I receive one as a gift, I will give it a place of honor in my living room – right next to my Bass-O-Matic.

Peace isn’t about me controlling my neighbors, it’s about me controlling myself.
--Pa Rock