Udaho

by Pa Rock
Cynic

There are some libertarian billionaires planning to build an independent nation of artificial islands off of the coast of California.  One of their primary goals appears to be tax evasion.   These manmade islands will supposedly be constructed around structures similar to oil derricks.  They ought to be safe from the ravages of big storms brought on by global warming because these yahoos don’t believe in global warming. 

Several states, Arizona and Texas being two fine examples, recently witnessed thousands of their citizens petitioning the federal government for the right to secede.  They, too, would like to be independent nations, free of all of the restraints that the government of the United States so liberally imposes upon them. 

And then let’s not forget the “preppers” and other fantasy survivalists who salivate at the prospect of rushing off into the hills and defeating the evil government with a heady arsenal of automatic weapons, Krugerrands, and homemade meth.  The “preppers” seem to be guided by a “the world is ending, or else” philosophy – which may make sense to them.  (I had not even heard the term “prepper” until the school massacre in Newtown.  The shooter’s mother was a “prepper “ – she was going to be safe because she was armed to the eyeballs with automatic weapons.  How did that work out for you, Nancy?)

The love of guns is an obvious commonality among these malcontents, and one might suspect that there is also some racial prejudice at play because the election and re-election of a black President seems to have energized them to a level of rabid insanity.

The other commonality is that they all believe that they know what is best for themselves and want to live life on their own terms.  I don’t have a problem with communes or even independent countries of crazies – as long as I don’t have to step over them to get to work.  But instead of putting up with these people nationally, like so many pockets of cancer, why not just give them a big piece of federal land for their nation - and then build a really big fence around it.  (These guys totally love big fences!)

Arizona would be a logical location.  It’s sort of like the Badlands, only worse, and filled with rattlesnakes, scorpions, and blue-haired lunatics.  But, on second thought, I would hate to see the Grand Canyon filled to the brim with bald tires and dead refrigerators.  A combination of Idaho and Utah, which are contiguous, might also be a possibility.  The fledgling crackpot nation could conceivably be completely fenced and guarded – on both sides.

How about “Udaho” as a name for the new country – and “So’s Your Granny” for the state motto?

Of course, it’s probably all academic anyway because sometime very late tonight or early tomorrow is supposedly the Mayan Apocalypse.  I may celebrate the terminal event with some cold beer and a paint ball gun – so I can bid the fundamentalist nut burgers good riddance as they float by heading off to the Rapture.

It doesn’t take much to amuse me!