112th Congress Opens with a Major Boehner!

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist


The much-anticipated 112th Congress is off and running, and if the first day is any indicator, it is going to be a very funny session indeed!

The freshly minted Republican majority is busy foisting stunts and gimmicks on the nation's legislature.  Taking a cue from their intelligentsia wing (the one headed by Michele Bachmann), this session opened with a reading of the Constitution by members.

Unfortunately for those seeking historical accuracy, the version that was read was edited to leave out the embarrassing bits - like the part where our founding fathers, portrayed as Gods by the right-wing loonies, decided that slaves would only be counted as three-fifths of a person for taxing and Congressional apportionment purposes.  Republicans tend to get very uncomfortable when discussing anything that brings a clear focus on how the Old South really was.   Congresssman Jesse Jackson, a black representative from Chicago, was livid at the intentional omission.

Also dropped from the reading was the 18th Amendment, the one where religious zealots forced their will on Congress more than a century ago and got a prohibition on the manufacture, sale, and distribution of most alcohol.  The 18th Amendment was responsible in large part for the rise of organized crime in America.  The Amendment was later repealed, which was today's zealots' excuse for dropping its inclusion from the reading. They didn't want Americans to be reminded that a savage dose of Christian fundamentalism isn't always the best medicine for our country. 

The Republicans came back into power in the House of Representatives on promises of fiscal responsibility and forcing the country to pay-as-you-go.  Okay, fiscal responsibility is a great concept.  News estimates indicate that this foray into Constitutional education cost American taxpayers in the neighborhood of $1.1 million.  That includes salaries, utilities - including heat and dozens of perking coffee pots, and extra police protection.  Over a million dollars!  Smooth move Orange John!

The extra police protection was put to good use when a crazy birther named Theresa had to be removed from the house gallery after she began yelling our accusations that our President does not meet the "natural born" citizen requirement.  Sadly, not every birther nut present was seated in the gallery.

Two of the Congressmen reading the doctored document - Rep. Pete Sessions of Texas and Rep. Mike Fitzpatrick of Pennsylvania - took part in the process even though they had not been duly sworn in as Members - a requirement of the Constitution before Members can take part in official business.  Sesssions and Fitzpatrick were at the Congressional Visitors' Center chatting up a group of donors to Fitzpatrick's campaign while the official oath was being administered to the Members who weren't out begging.  Yup, instead of taking the oath to serve the office to which they had been elected, they were out shamelessly fundraising!  Talk about a harbinger of things to come!

Some Democrats tried to pass a bill today requiring that every Member of Congress announce whether they are taking the free government health insurance or not.  Democrats voted for the measure en masse, but Republicans who campaigned on concepts like making government more transparent, voted the measure down - also en masse!   Their free government health care is their business - not Joe Taxpayer's!

Today one of the wags from Salon.com referred to the initial hours of the Republican takeover of Congress as a "major boehner!"  Too true, too true!

Funny, funny times are upon us!  And to frost the fruitcake, Michele Bachmann is now talking about running for President!  And this was just day one!

I fear that I may do myself serious harm before America corrects this abomination - because I am way too old to continually be ROTFLMAO - and my floors are as hard as John Boehner's cold, cold heart!