LBJ Cries in the Crapper

by Pa Rock
Conspiracy Theorist

John F. Kennedy was murdered forty-six years ago next month, but the circumstances of that crime were such that controversy reigns supreme over what actually happened to this very day, and, much like the murder of Abraham Lincoln a century earlier, it promises to be one of those events that will keep good people arguing throughout the ages.

There are all kinds of theories about what really happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963. A few simple souls think that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone, but a majority of Americans and many historical and crime researchers don't buy that vanilla explanation. Some believe that the murder was planned and organized by Fidel Castro as payback for America's involvement in the Bay of Pigs fiasco. Others are sure that it was a mob hit, possibly as retribution for Robert Kennedy's laser focus on Jimmy Hoffa. Still others see the event as being planned and executed by agencies of our own government - say by FBI Director (and frumpy cross-dresser) J. Edgar Hoover who made little effort to keep his hatred of the Kennedy's a secret, or the CIA, or the military, or some fascist combination of elements of all of the above.

My personal theory is that it was put together by Lyndon and/or Lady Bird Johnson, a couple of slick political operators who were politically ruthless and knew how to get things done - and had much to gain. Johnson, whose chief role model was Franklin Delano Roosevelt, was getting older and had a serious heart condition - and he wanted to be President in the worst way.

But, all of that is just so much conjecture. It won't be solved definitively until I retire and get time to do it myself.

Tidbits on the assassination continue to trickle out. Today there was a bit in Huffington Post by a writer named Steven M. Gillon. He was doing research on the assassination at the Kennedy Library in Boston last spring - on the exact day that a new record was opened to the public. That record was a transcript of an interview with retired Brigadier General Godfrey McHugh who was JFK's military aide on that fateful day in Dallas. McHugh gave an interview to the library in 1978 and provided information about the reaction of Lyndon Johnson to the murder. He had not shared his story with the Warren Commission during their investigation in 1964, possibly to avoid pissing off his Commander-in-Chief.

General McHugh said that Jackie Kennedy was seated aboard Air Force One wearing her bloodied pink suit and pillbox hat that had pieces of JFKs' brains stuck in the fabric. She was wanting to get the plane in the air and get away from Dallas. He notified the pilot to get it in the air, but the pilot said that he had been ordered to wait. Upon quick investigation, the General learned that LBJ was on board and not wanting to leave yet.

McHugh went to find the new President and determine what was going on. Johnson was not in the passenger section of the plane, so McHugh then went to the Presidential bedroom. When he couldn't find him there - he checked the only remaining space where the President could be - the restroom in the Presidential bedroom. General McHugh stated: "I walked in the toilet, in the powder room, and there he was hiding, with the curtain closed." He said that LBJ was sitting on the john crying and saying, "They're going to get us all. It's a plot. It's going to get us all." McHugh described LBJ as being "hysterical."

And all of that adds to my theory that one or both of the Johnson's were behind the murder of President John F. Kennedy. Lyndon Johnson was a tough old bastard, and if he was sitting on the crapper bawling like a baby, he was acting. If he was doing any emotional suffering, my guess is that it was because he had to stay cooped up in the little bathroom for so long until someone finally came in to witness his distress.

Lyndon Johnson was an amazing President in many respects. He knew how to twist arms and make Congress do his bidding. He understood that a great legacy would involve creating remarkable social programs like Medicare and championing civil rights. He was a conservative southern Democrat who came to the White House and became a domestic liberal icon.

But, like his hero FDR, Johnson also thought that he could achieve greatness through being a wartime president. (George Bush, who hid from combat during LBJ's war, succumbed to that same Siren's song forty years later.) What LBJ got was the morass of Vietnam. What LBJ got was literally being driven from office by the peace movement. I guess the good news for LBJ on the international scene was that at least nobody threw shoes at him!

I have no way of proving my spurious allegations that one or both of the Johnson's were involved in the murder of John F. Kennedy. I just think it is a distinct possibility. Of this, however, I am certain: Lyndon Baines Johnson, a macho hombre who enjoyed lifting his beagles by the ears and snapping his wife's bra strap in public, was not hiding in an airplane bathroom crying out of fear or panic. If he was crying it was scripted and right on cue.

Now do you see why I call this blog The Ramble?