The Arizona State Motto

by Pa Rock
Proud Arizonan

Arizona has an unofficial state motto: "The Grand Canyon State." It adorns most of our license plates and assorted postcards and souvenirs. Surprisingly, that little gem of a motto apparently was never officially adopted by the state legislature, and a move is now on to correct that oversight.

The story unfolded this way: A fifth grader in California sent an email to one of our prize state legislators asking if the state had an official motto. Upon researching the question, the legislator (or more likely his intern) discovered that our motto had never been officially made official. The amazing aspect of this story is, of course, the fact that the fifth grader happened to pick a legislator who could read - but, again, it was probably handled by his intern.

So, the legislator, who was between between gun bills, decided that this might be a non-controversial bill to sponsor. And now, if nobody bitches, "The Grand Canyon State" will soon become the official state motto of Arizona.

If nobody bitches...

Enter Pa Rock. "The Grand Canyon State" has got to be one of the lamest state mottoes ever - probably second only to "Ski Kansas!" So, in an effort to spare the great state of Arizona more than its normal share of embarrassment, I am hereby submitting the following ideas for the new (official) Arizona state motto. If you see one that you particularly like - or if you have a better one - please forward it on to any member of our state legislature - or, better yet, to one of their interns. (These are in no special or preferential order.)

Arizona:

America's Sandbox!
It's a Dry Heat!
Death Valley East!
Hellizona!
Rain! Rain! We Don't Need No Stinking Rain!
America's Rest Home!
Armed and Stupid!
Welcome to Hell on Earth!
Our Politicians are Dumber than Yours!
The Scorpion State!

And, should the city of Phoenix ever get the itch to have it's own official motto, I humbly propose the following:

Phoenix: Arizona's Other Big Hole!