Take the Money and Run!

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston was born this past Saturday to Bristol Palin and Levi Johnson in Palmer, Alaska. The lead-up to Baby Tripp’s birth was the grist of gossip magazines and cable “news” for months, making him one of this year’s most anticipated arrivals.

Tripp was awarded instant celebrity status due to his notorious family connections. (As the old saying goes: you can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your family!) His father is a self-described “fuckin’ redneck” who dropped out of high school and likes to party. One of his grandmothers ran for Vice President of the United States on the Neiman Marcus ticket and believes that Africa is a country and that dinosaurs and man walked the earth at the same time – a couple of thousand years ago! His other granny was recently arrested for drug dealing.

So with all of those cards stacked against him, little Tripp deserves to get a couple of breaks in life. There was a report in the news today that his mother will be offered up to $300,000 for his baby pictures. That’s great. I, for one, hope she gets that much or more. She could use that money to raise her son on her own without feeling forced to marry her “fuckin’ redneck” boyfriend. She could set a good chunk of it aside in order to guarantee a college education for Tripp – and perhaps use some of it for her own college education. She could also use the money to slip from the public eye before the behaviors of either of Tripp’s grandmothers begin to escalate.

Take the money, Bristol. Put it in the bank and spend it judiciously. Don't let the grammies use to it hire campaign help or defense lawyers. Don't let Baby Daddy have it for fast cars or fast living. Use it to build a secure life for yourself and little Tripp, and let his whack-job relatives take care of themselves. Tripp needs you, and you need the security and independence that $300,000 can offer.

Dear Bristol Palin

Dear Bristol Palin,

One can only imagine how much your life has changed in recent days. Just a few short months ago you were enjoying high school and a certain amount of privacy, even as the daughter of a governor. Now, however, you are suddenly thrust into the national fish bowl with millions of strangers clucking about your upbringing, your situation, and your options. How sad for you.

Young people, even younger than you, have babies every day and often make very good parents. I sincerely hope that is the case with you. I am a counselor by trade, and I would like to offer some advice that could serve you well as you enter parenthood. Please take from it what you will.

1. Church can be a very important component of family life, but extreme religious views can also be an impediment to a healthy and happy family. Use common sense and avoid being intolerant of the views and lifestyles of others based on religious doctrine. Love your children, as your parents love you, but don't complicate their lives with unrealistic dogma. As an example, do more than just talk about the virtues of sexual abstinence. We both know that young people routinely engage in sex, so talk to your kids honestly and openly about sex, and be prepared to assist them in procuring birth control in the event that it becomes necessary.

2. The current Governor of Alaska, let's call her "Mom," is so politically rigid that she opposes abortion even in cases of rape and incest. It's a wonderful thing to have well reasoned convictions and to try and live by those convictions. But when we become so hardened and rabid in our views that we can't accommodate good judgment and reason, we have crossed a line and entered the realm of inhumanity. Learn from Mom's mistakes and be flexible. The world isn't them and us - it's just us.

3. Don't let anyone push you into marriage. An unplanned pregnancy is absolutely the worst reason in the world to get married. Levi may be a great guy and he might make a wonderful father, but right now he is awfully immature. He describes himself as being a "fuckin' redneck" and talks about not wanting kids. Give him a few years to mature, and, if he does - and if you still want him - marry him then. Marriage needs to be your decision - make it wisely.

Be strong and be resilient. You will get through this ordeal. May your baby be healthy and may your lives be happy and full of wonder! Stay focused on the needs of your child, and you will be a wonderful parent!

My best to you.

Pa Rock