On Religion and Pornography

by Pa Rock
Social Critic

The Gallup organization released a poll last month that revealed a couple of important findings regarding religiosity in the United States. First, the poll demonstrated that we live in a basically religious country where 65% of Americans regard religion as "an important part of their daily lives."

The second significant finding of the poll was that the degree of religiosity varies widely by region. There is, according to the poll by Gallup, a distinct "Bible Belt" where religion plays a very significant aspect in peoples' lives. That belt is a strip across the American South that includes eleven of the most religious states: Mississippi, Alabama, South Carolina, Tennessee, Louisiana, Arkansas, Georgia, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Kentucky, and Texas. The least religious states were in New England and the West: Vermont, New Hampshire, Maine, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Connecticut, Washington, Oregon, Nevada, and (are you listening, Sarah?) Alaska.

Political note: Nine of the ten most religious states voted for McCain, and nine of the ten least religious states wound up in the Obama column.

Okay, so let's overlay the results of that poll with a new piece of research on America's interest in Internet pornography. The researcher was Benjamin Edelman, and his work was also published last month.

A major on-line porn provider gave their credit card billing records (anonymized so that porn clients were identified only by their zip codes) to Mr. Edelman. After a statistical analysis of those records the researcher was able to delineate a group of states that were the heaviest subscribers to Internet porn and a list of states that were the lightest subscribers.

The most "porn-a-holic" states were Utah, Alaska, Mississippi, Hawaii, Oklahoma, Arkansas, North Dakota, Louisiana, and West Virginia. That list includes the home of the Mormon Church (Utah - which was ranked number one in Internet porn usage), Sarah Palin's Alaska, and four states of the Bible Belt: Mississippi, Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Louisiana.

The least porn dependent states were Montana, Wyoming, Idaho, Oregon, Tennessee, Ohio, New Hampshire, Michigan, New Jersey, and Delaware.

Political note: Eight of the top ten pornography consuming states voted for John McCain, and six out of the lowest ten voted for Barack Obama.

What does all of this mean? Does going to church regularly fan the flames of prurient desire? Do stories of all of those lusty babes of the Bible get the blood flowing south? Can the human spirit take only so much sanctimonious blather before it goes looking for something more titillating? Should we keep our kids out of church for the sake of their immortal souls?

It all sounds so hopeless - the higher we set our sights, the further we fall. But there is a glimmer of hope. The research on Internet porn usage showed that people in the most religious areas did cut back on their acquisition of pornography on Sundays!

Can I have an Amen!

The Misunderestimatin' Blues

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

Was George W. Bush truly misunderestimated by the American public, or was he in fact a tool of the neo-conservatives with the intellectual capacity of a geranium? That’s a question that most third-graders could answer, excluding, of course, those born and raised in the Bible Belt who are struggling with their own educational and intellectual issues.

Our former President will be primarily remembered for the Bush Doctrine (the “right” to start any war we damn well please – no provocation necessary), the dismantling of the United States Constitution (lock them up and we’ll come up with charges later, maybe) ignoring the Geneva Convention on the Rights of Prisoners (extraordinary rendition, anyone?), and his almost criminal mangling of the English language.

The Bush years were good ones for funeral directors, grave diggers, and the orphanages of Iraq. There are the thousands of American spouses, children, parents, grieving friends, and other loved ones who will forever have a hole in their hearts due to Bush's unresolved issues with his father. The Bush Presidency was also a Godsend to the companies that make a living raping the environment, building weapons, and manufacturing artificial limbs.

But through it all, most of the public was reluctant to point out that the emperor had no clothes – that George W. Bush, in fact, was an intellectual lightweight. (Intellectual lightweight is a tactful way of saying “stupid” for those of you with degrees from fundamentalist religious “universities.”) Now, however, the data are in and the truth can be told.

Mark Nicholas, a blogger with The Huffington Post, did some definitive research comparing the speaking (and thinking-on-your-feet) abilities of George W. Bush compared to those of Barack Obama. He began by retrieving transcripts of the first press conference held by each President. (Obama’s was last night, and Bush held his first press conference on February 22, 2001.) Mr. Nicholas copied each of those transcripts into separate Word documents, and then deleted their introductory (scripted) remarks and the questions asked by the reporters – leaving only the answers and off-the-cuff remarks given by each President. He then ran the remaining material of each document through Word’s readability tool.

And the results?

Bush was communicating on a seventh grade level, and Obama was speaking to us on a tenth grade level. Is anyone surprised?

The downside is, of course, that President Obama was speaking over the heads of many Americans and the entire Republican membership of Congress – a big part of his intended audience. While I personally enjoy watching Helen Thomas spar with our Commander-in-Chief, it is likely that many quickly flipped the channel and caught reruns of Monk, Law and Order, or NCIS.

In an effort to stimulate the economy and communicate more effectively with the “silent majority,” or “moral majority,” or whatever the hell the know-nothings are calling themselves nowadays, I respectfully suggest that our government employ a squad of starving artists and turn all of the President’s future pronouncements into comic books, graphic novels, cartoons, or video games so that all of America has equal access to his ideas.

Our President is an intelligent and honorable person who is trying to reach out to our better selves. He is light years ahead of his predecessor in terms of basic humanity, and at least three grade levels in speaking ability. It would be the country’s loss if we allow the Republican noise machine to limit his ability to change our national priorities and salvage the Bush shipwreck of an economy.

We did misunderestimate George W. Bush. In eight years he managed to launch two unwinnable wars in the Middle East, cause a budget surplus to evaporate and be replaced by trillions of dollars of debt, subvert the Constitution of the United States of America, destroy our reputation around the globe, and turn himself into a laughingstock. Who would have thought that somebody with the communication skills of a seventh grader could create that much havoc?