Noem Can't Secure her Handbag, Much Less the Country

 

by Pa Rock

Citizen Journalist

It must be especially galling, if not totally appalling, for the Secretary of Homeland Security, a critical agency in the never-ending battle to keep Americans safe within the borders of their own country, to have her purse stolen, literally right from under her nose, in a posh Washington, DC, burger joint while she was enjoying an Easter dinner with her beloved family - minus, of course, the family dog, Cricket, who, sadly, is no longer with them.

But that is exactly what befell US Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem last Sunday evening while her Secret Service security detail sat nearby.  Security footage from Capital Burger, the restaurant where Noem and her family were dining, showed a white male, dressed in black and wearing a black baseball cap, and whose face was covered with an N-95 medical mask, situated himself a the table next to Noem's party and then managed to  scoot her Gucci handbag, which was on the floor, over to himself using his foot.  The man placed the bag under his jacket and left the restaurant.

A Gucci handbag?  That, by itself, would have been a fairly impressive haul for just a few minutes work - if it wasn't a knockoff.  But the thief's prize was even sweeter than that.  Noem reported that her walking-around money - $3,000, give or take -  in cash, as well as her checkbook, were in the purse.  She later felt obliged to offer some explanation for carrying an obscenely large amount of cash by saying it was for gifts and Easter dinner for her visiting family of children and grandchildren.

In addition to her checkbook and a wad of cash that would choke a South Dakota bison, Secretary Noem's designer handbag also included her driver's license, passport, medications, make-up bag, apartment keys, and her Homeland Security badge.

The Secret Service is investigating, however the local NBC News affiliate discovered through their own investigation that a similar crime happened in a nearby restaurant several days earlier, and that the thief, who bumped into a diner's chair and surreptitiously removed her purse which was hanging on the back of the chair, was dressed exactly like the man who days later stole Noem's handbag.

Hopefully the culprit can speak Spanish, because there is definitely an El Salvadoran prison in his future!

Kristi, there is a famous line in the movie, "The Graduate," where Mr. Robinson says to Benjamin, "I just want to say one word to you.  Plastics!"  Take that to heart and get yourself some damned credit cards, stuff them in a Dollar General wallet, and keep it in your pocket.  Remember your roots, and quit putting on airs!